Thursday, October 08, 2015

If only...

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

This blog will exist for two more days. I know I can go on writing to You, and I will, but to have done this publicly over 2,000 times has been so very revealing about ... well, both of us.

I am ready to go on, Lord. I am ready for Spiritual Healing from Childhood Abuse.

This praying with You, Lord, it is far more powerful than we think. We glibly say our prayers and then go, not aware of the forces we've just messed with. And if we're not aware, often those forces are left to just fizzle out. You take us at our word; if only we would take You at Yours!

Mark Batterson writes: "... the goal of prayer is to discern what God wants.... 'What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.' So let me ask the question: When you think about God, what images come into your mind? ... I suspect the dominant image is Jesus hanging on a cross.... You aren't praying to a God who is hanging on a cross."

Batterson goes on to say we grossly underestimate the power of God. We grossly underestimate "the authority that is ours because we are children of God."

What am I saying? Well, I have resonated with the image of Jesus on the cross. His suffering is what first spoke to me. His suffering lifted my own suffering. And while I have found tremendous healing in that image of You, O Lord, now I'm hearing You clue me in on another truth: I have allowed that image of You to keep me in my victimhood. You are hanging on the cross; I am hanging on the cross. And while this is true in all of those who still suffer, this is not true for me at this time. You are no longer on the cross. You are raised, triumphant, strong, and ready to save! I am no longer a victim. Through You, I am raised, triumphant, strong and ready to take part in Your will!

O Lord, I am sorely aware of all my weaknesses, my wounds, all the places where I still hurt. But You are in the lead, and what is profound for me this morning is this:  my 40 day prayer circle ends as this site expires and Spiritual Healing begins.

Lead on, Lord. Lead on.

Monday, September 28, 2015

Seeing You rise!

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

This blog will soon end, Lord, and that's sad. I've got it archived, so I can look back. And we'll keep talking of course, but not in this way.

I thank You for answering me so often as I write. Making this public reminds me of just how connected with one another You mean for us to be. We're never so isolated that what we do or say does not affect another ... even in our prayers.

I'm moving on to another website -- It is more focused on what You have been calling me to do, and I think writing it each day will assist me in completing Exodus: An Invitation to Spiritual Healing from Childhood Abuse.

Turning fully toward that, Lord, has not been easy. Healing is not easy. It necessitates bringing up painful memories. It acknowledges that those memories don't get healed by pushing them down. And, it also admits to the fact that You do not intend us to "forgive and forget." Our bodies, our psyches are not made that way. They are highly impressionable, and those impressions are meant to be dealt with, processed through, lifted to You, and used for good.

But it is a choice. I can push them all down and deal with the effects of doing so: anger, depression, outbursts inappropriate to current events, unhappiness, dis-ease, and, often, sickness. I may even see it as heroic to deal with these things in this limited way. But, there's another way. You bless both ways, but You can bless far more when we choose to fully lift up ourselves -- our entire selves -- to You. Oh, it's risky business! But this way is an adventure we just should not miss. It is the difference between seeing You rise with our head down, eyes closed and seeing You rise with full attention!

Guide my way, O Lord.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Putting caring into action

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

... Still wrestling with You. But okay with it, too. That seems like a contradiction; but, from what I know of You, it's just par for the course!

Going to Indy today to find our more about how I can become more socially active. I care. I care. I care. But, I'm not doing much to put that care into action. So, I'm going to hear speakers, read histories of those involved with the League of Women Voters, and, hopefully, learn how I can make time to effectively participate in some change on issues I care most about.

What issues do I care most about? Prison reform. Poverty. Abuse in the home. Mental health. These four issues are so rooted in one another, working on one will undoubtedly effect the others. But where do I start? Today, I hope to gain some answers.

Bless, Lord, those who hurt today. Bless those who are afraid, those who are consumed with worry. Bless those who think You are not present and may something happen to question that thought with each of them today.


Friday, September 25, 2015

Content with wrestling

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

"Prayer is the way we write the future. It's the difference between letting things happen and making things happen."

O, Lord, why does this quotation from Mark Batterson's book make me mad? I can't "make things happen!" I can't make You do what I want You to do! I can't make You answer me right now! O, I get what he means:  we participate in Your divine activity when we pray. We attune ourselves to Your workings by prayer. But, Lord, when I'm looking/needing a specific answer from You, I feel so helpless when it doesn't come...

When I'm like this, Lord, it's like I'm wrestling with You, and I don't have any peace. Give me peace, Lord, before I have to go get ready for this day's events. Show me what I'm so disturbed by. Show me how I've let cynicism in. I need You, Lord...

I'm not going to "find" You this morning, am I? I'm not going to bump into You and feel Your peace settling in on me. I'm going to have to walk away with this discontent hanging on me. I wish I could find the words that would diagnose why I'm so dis-at-ease. Naming it often brings You in!

But, You will have me wrestle a bit longer, Lord? Okay. But help me to not give my dis-ease to others. May I be able to work around it and be kind and giving to those who come my way today.

Okay, Lord, we'll wrestle. I'll be content with that.