Wednesday, September 02, 2015

Guilty as charged?

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I drew the circle, a perfect circle, and I thought about how it represents You, perfect in its mathematical beauty. I wondered what I should write inside.

Dawn on me today, my Lord.
For what will You have me pray?
Can this moment be that important
For You to draw me here this way?

What inside the circle, Lord,
For what should I cross its line?
There are myriad issues, myriad faces --
Tell me what You have in mind.

My broken heart, what makes me weak
How I distract so I don't feel.
These are one and the same, an ugly mind game
And one that must be healed.

"So take up your pen and cross that line.
Mark its center with "guilty as charged."
And over these days, as you and I pray,
I will show you the person you are."

Tuesday, September 01, 2015

A prayer circle

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I'm going to start a prayer circle today, Lord. I know who I want to pray for, what I think You might want me to pray for; but, I'll keep those out of the circle, so I can hear You: what do You want me to pray for?

I come to You every day, in the morning, so why did I pick up this book, Draw the Circle: The 40 Day Prayer Challenge? I pray each day, often during the day, so why did I pick up again this rosary? I went into Family Christian for a Bible and came out instead with this book and this rosary. (I have bibles at home; I just like collecting certain ones, and I've had my eye on that Message bible....)

I read the introduction and underlined a few things: "The true purpose of prayer is to get into God's presence so He can outline His agenda for us." And, "If you want God to do something new in you, you cannot keep doing the same old thing. You have to do something different. And if you do, God will create new capacities within you. There will be new gifts and new revelations. But you've got to pray the price. You'll get out of this what you put into it." (Emphasis mine.)

And then I read this on Day 1 -- "And when you pray to God regularly, irregular things happen on a regular basis."

This I know. Perhaps You want me to be more intentional about marking these irregular things You are about to do. I've my pen (and rosary) in hand, Lord!

Monday, August 31, 2015

Rejoice!

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I wrote this this morning, while praying...

Play the Gospel

Play the gospel inside you, each measure, each and every score
Yes, it reveals My life on earth; but don’t you see it revealing more?
Put it on and wear it; tell everyone to do the same.
It's metaphor so powerful! Immeasurable, its ability to reclaim!

You are walking on water; you can turn water to wine!
My power is at your disposal; so available is the Divine!
I’ll not have your limitations, your boundaries, your doctrine’s rules
I will not fit inside your formulations; they are fear-based, thin, and crude.

Look for those among you who display a quiet joy
Who waste no time with condemnation, who have no desire to destroy
Any other’s view about Me, trusting Me to speak My mind,
Who go about enacting gospel in every moment of their lives.

These are the ones who see miracle, who make the legions flee
Who grow fields of verdant pastures from tiny mustard seeds,
Who in the face of accusation, bend to draw upon the ground
And who, when they are crucified, bring mighty angels down!

Take hold! Believe! It’s a thinning veil, but one that will remain
For those who hear and slip inside, my kingdom comes again!
Pick Me up and take Me, let my gospel direct your course
‘For I am with you always’ – I mean this now. Rejoice!

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Seeing You

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I'm reading Karen Armstrong's The Spiral Staircase. She is describing her pursuit of You, entering a convent so she can find intimacy with You but finding emptiness, misunderstanding, and misdirection to a criminal degree. Years. Years. Years, Lord, she looked but did not find You.

So, why do I find You in every corner, under every rock, in every book, in every glance of the sky? Will this go away from me? Will You shut it all down in order to teach me some deep lesson without which I cannot be a mature follower of Yours? Or, am I under some misinterpreted impression? What I call You is no being at all, just my made-up response to great need that there be Someone higher, stronger, Someone who does love me?

Karen wonders if You do exist, in the early pages of this memoir. I don't know what her conclusions will be in its final pages. Oh, I hope she finds You! I hope she isn't one of these intellectuals who think Your existence naive -- just not something a detached, clear-headed, independent intellectual would believe in. I am weary of those people...

But, Lord, You do hide from some, yes? Or, if You do not, what is it in some that effectively hides You? Surely it is not my temperament, something in my psychology that allows me to see what is not seen by others. That's not fair. Surely it is not my suffering; we shouldn't have to go through hell to see You; and, I know too many who have had nice lives and see You just fine.

I cannot judge Karen's journey. I cannot think You cruel for keeping her at arms' length for so many years. After all, many might think You cruel for allowing the abuse to last for 17 years without reprieve. That would be wrong. I see You now as I look back; and, in ways, I did see You then. I hope Karen makes a similar conclusion.